性生活是婚姻中非常重要的一環,但這對許多已婚夫妻來說,並不見得如此。龐大的生活壓力需一面工作一面兼顧小孩,穩定的性關係並不唾手可得 。

TAIPEI (The China Post) – Sex and sexuality are part of every relationship as much as intimacy and pleasure. If you’re married, have kids, or just lead a busy life, however, spontaneous sex is more than likely not available to you.

《衛報》 在一份研究中,詢問伴侶們如何在長期生活中維持穩定性生活,受訪者多數回答透過計畫來執行彼此的性生活時間。| The British daily asked various couples how they keep intimacy alive in a long-term relationship. Their answers were always the same: they diarize their love lives. (Shutterstock)

在忙碌的現代生活中,人們在行事曆安排好固定的性生活時間也漸為一種趨勢,但有計劃的性行為對夫妻以及情侶真的好嗎?英國《衛報》在最近的一則報導中指出,時下確實有越來越多民眾選擇將性生活日期紀錄於行事曆內,按表操課。

Is scheduling sex a good way to build your relationship though? Would your sex schedule kill romance? According to The Guardian, more and more people are “marking it on their calendars, and trying to stick to the commitment.”

《衛報》 在一份研究中,詢問伴侶們如何在長期生活中維持穩定性生活,受訪者多數回答透過計畫來執行彼此的性生活時間。兩性關係專家Ar’nie Rozah Krogh在與《衛報》的訪談說到:「穩定的性生活是維持幸福婚姻的一大部分。」

The British daily asked various couples how they keep intimacy alive in a long-term relationship. Their answers were always the same: they diarize their love lives. “Having regular sex is a key to not having issues in the marriage,” Ar’nie Rozah Krogh told The Guardian.

兩性關係專家也分享自身經驗,指出自己與丈夫習慣在這方面做好時間規劃,固定在彼此方便的時間,維攜健康的性關係,解決以往疲累和壓力可能帶來性慾低落的問題。她說:「有計畫的性生活,是我們彼此間溝通最成熟的象徵。」

To overcome periods of stress, low libido or fatigue, Krogh and her husband schedule sex at a mutually convenient time to keep the “spark alive” and restore intimacy. “Sex scheduling is a sign of maturity in our communication,” she said.

首先,你需要與你的伴侶進行一段健康的對談,貼心地告訴伴侶,你日常生活中的緊湊行程。 | To begin with, you should have a conversation with your partner about the type of schedule that usually works for other activities in your life. (Shutterstock)

但你準備好如此規劃你的性生活了嗎?許多人認為,最完美的性愛該是不由自主地發生的,所以,要跳脫這項大眾的思維框架並不容易。知名美國作者Emily Nagoski指出,大多數人的生活非常忙碌,但為何吝於把時間留給自己,和自己最親愛的另一半呢?

But are you ready to schedule your sex life? Can you overcome the myth that spontaneous sex is best? According to Emily Nagoski, a noted sex educator, scientist and author, most people’s calendar are packed with very important things so why not scheduling some private time with your partner.

同時, 受訪者告訴英國《衛報》,計畫性生活可以大幅改善大眾在長時間交往過程中性慾低落的問題,亦可降低因突如其而使人措手不及的機會,對提高性生活品質有不少幫助。但這究竟該從何處開始著手呢?

You schedule sex to tackle the fading of interest in long-term relationships, reach a compromise on your mismatched libidos, or just increase the quality of your sexual life, the interviewees told The Guardian. But where do you start?

首先,你需要與你的伴侶進行一段健康的對談,貼心地告訴伴侶,你日常生活中的緊湊行程;不管你是偏好規律的個人,或是過於朝九晚五的上班族,都可以透過一次次完美的規劃,改善你我的關係,提高性生活品質。

To begin with, you should have a conversation with your partner about the type of schedule that usually works for other activities in your life. Whether you like consistency or prefer a meeting here and there, you can agree on a weekly day and time for doing it or plan your sex dates one at a time.

維持良好的性關係不容易,而伴侶間更應該體諒彼此,透過溝通與計畫,創造出更美好的相處氛圍。| Maintaining an active sex life takes a lot of work! It’s important for you and your partner to acknowledge and thank each other for that work. (Shutterstock)

接者,你們應該討論彼此的「最低限度」,在可接受的範圍內互相改善、妥協,避免在規畫日期到來時無所準備,或是躍躍欲試。給你我更多溝通的機會在任何情況下對彼此都有助益。

Next, you need to discuss with your partner the “bare minimum” of a specific meeting. After all, you might not be in the mood when your sex date comes around. If you feel like doing more, that’s great! If not, you’ll still have an opportunity to connect.

最後, 我們須謹記,最完美的性行為並不全然是自然發生。美國生活部落格lifehacker.com研究指出,人們早在與自己親密對象交往初期,就以不同的形式,在內心計畫了發展性關係的時間與期望。

Last but not least, according to lifehacker.com, you should remember that sex wasn’t always spontaneous in those exciting early stages of your relationship. When you’re dating someone new, you’re still planning sex, just in a different way.

這也是為什麼民眾不該將計畫性的性生活,與無趣的性生活混為一談。維持良好的性關係不容易,而伴侶間更應該體諒彼此,透過溝通與計畫,創造出更美好的相處氛圍。而你,準備好了嗎?

That’s the main reason why you shouldn’t equate scheduled sex with boring sex. It certainly doesn’t need to be! Maintaining an active sex life takes a lot of work! It’s important for you and your partner to acknowledge and thank each other for that work. So, what’s next? Should you start scheduling your sex life?

The China Post staff